"I myself am entirely made of flaws stitched together with good intentions"
I am broken. I have been for as long as I can remember. I'm really good at fixing broken things, I just can't fix myself. It's extremely frustrating to recognize everything that is wrong with me and want to change it and not know how. I don't even know where to start.
I've never been good at setting and accomplishing goals. I'm a quitter. When things get hard I quit. The only thing I've never quit at is parenting, but I've thought about it...
I don't like myself. I don't mean Im saying i don't like myself so that people will tell me I'm cool, I really don't like myself. Mostly I hate my physical self. I have since elementary school. One time someone asked me what my favorite physical feature is a out me... I had nothing. Now I can say that sometimes with the right makeup I like my eyes. Baby steps people...
I'm not a great mom. I'm impatient, I'm inconsistent, I get angry and I'm not good at teaching them things. I am failing miserably at this oh so important task. Nothing in this life or the next is more important and I suck royally at it.
I have a testimony but at times it's pretty shaky. I'm easily swayed and that makes me dislike myself even more... I don't read scriptures or say prayers regularly at all...
When kimber asked me what my resolution was I about cried... My resolution is to not be broken. I want to be whole, I want to like me, I want to like being a mom again, I want my kids to like me again. I don't want to feel like an outsider at church. I want to know how to set attainable goals but mostly I want to feel important enough to change...
Here's to 2013... The year of being unbroken
I think a lot of moms feel this way. They're just not brave enough to say it! You're not the only one. Wish I loved closer so I could be a help with watching your kiddos. You're doing an amazing job in my opinion. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job Lindy! I know it's hard but you are strong and you can get through this. I feel like I am broken too. I am depressed a lot. I cry a lot. I don't know why or how to fix it. So, you aren't alone. You have beautiful kids and you can do this! Just work on you!
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