So I said this year was going to be about fixing my brokenness... I've been thinking a lot about how to go about doing that. Most of my problems center around a lack of self esteem or a crappy sense of self worth, or no self confidence... Whatever you want to call it.
I figured if I can fix that I can fix everything else too. How does one gain self esteem or improve their self image or think they are worthy of good things and love and being treated kindly.
I decided to make a list of words that I would use to describe myself:
I am:
Smart
Funny
Kind
Generous
Compassionate
Empathetic
And this is where I run out of things, I start to feel conceited for saying these things.
Then the very next thought I have is 'but you're fat.'
I realized that I have decided that the extra 25 lbs I'm carrying around negate all those things, that the extra weight make me unworthy to receive love or to be treated good. I worry if i go on a date that whoever I'm with will be embarrassed to be seen with me in public. I self sabotage good relationships/friendships so that I don't hafta hear them tell me they don't want me because I'm fat.
I don't even know where to begin to fix this. I don't have the energy to work out right now but i also don't think it's as easy as just losing the weight.
I think this is going to be a long, tough year.
I would love to list all these AMAZING things about you (that i know are true) and lift you up, but you have to believe what I say is true for it to do any good. I've felt your pain, and maybe not your exact pain, but I hurt too. I compare myself to others daily. $hit I used to starve myself, cut myself and resorted to drugs for years to mask my hurt. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! You're better than that. You're doing amazing things everyday and you dont even know it. When I had your girls for a week last summer, Dustin and I were SOOO impressed with them and thats all because of you. You're on the right track with your list, now put it on your mirror in the bathroom and read it every morning. Add to it as often as you can and never erase any of it. Even if you dont believe it one morning, say it anyway, until you do believe it. It's all true. Dont give up on yourself. Your babysteps will work!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't give up! Heartaches are painful but we need to move on. You deserve a good, true love. I would like to share this amazing book that helped me when I was looking for love. I'm not advertising or anything. I hope this book helps you as it did help me.
ReplyDeleteIt's entitled The Secrets that No One Told You About Love - How To Find Good Love And A Lasting Relationship In The RIGHT, Good And Fast Way. (Hidden Sscrets Of Love, Book 1, About Love).
If you're interested, you can check it out here. I think you won't regret it. It really did help me. :))
http://www.amazon.com/HIDDEN-SECRETS-LASTING-RELATIONSHIP-ebook/dp/B00CLJYB9O/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367742807&sr=1-2&keywords=new+relationships