bravery

You need to go here and read this. I don't care what your stance is on homosexuality, this is about SO much more than that.

This was my response to his article.

I just got around to reading your post. Bravo to you! 3 Cheers for you! I was raised Mormon, am still practicing and believe the doctrines I've been taught. I have an issue with those around me who can't accept someone who is gay, look down on those that struggle with addiction issues etc. I have often said my personal beliefs and some of my religious beliefs conflict each other. It's not my place to tell two people who are in love that they can't get married, regardless of what my religion teaches. I am on my second marriage, and unfortunately i'm not sure this one's going to last, but i know people who are gay who have been together for many, many years. their love is likely deeper than anything i've ever felt, they have taken the sanctity of marriage more serious than i did, even though they've never been married. i agree that we need to love everyone, the only thing that struck me a little bit is talking about spouse abusers and loving and accepting them. maybe this is where i get hung up, loving and accepting someone isn't the same as loving and accepting their choices or behaviors. maybe that's the secret to life, loving people sometimes in spite of the choices they've made. thank you for being brave enough to say what so many others wouldn't.

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

heartache

after a lot of prayer about what has been going on in my home, i realized that prayer by itself isn't going to give me an answer, i have come up with several solutions that feel good and then something happens that makes that solution not seem like a viable one anymore. i have realized that i'm impatient when waiting for answers to prayers, especially in this situation because i want an immediate plan of action. even if i can't act on it immediately, i want to know what i'm going to do. i did come up with a plan that felt good but then things escalated here again and i didn't know if i could wait long enough to be able to carry out that plan. although i will say that even as i'm sitting here contemplating it, that plan feels the most peaceful. i didn't know where to turn in the scriptures for answers about what i'm dealing so i turned here which also took me to here. i learned a lot, some of it uplifting. the first article told me pretty much what i was looking for, i don't believe there is a physical safety issue but the verbal stuff is nearly unbearable. i have been ready to walk out the door, especially since my husband hasn't done anything to initiate the counseling that is needed, and doesn't even seem to think he's doing anything wrong but since i'm a stay-at-home mom now, i have no money to leave, no house to go to, no job to support my kids. i have felt like maybe i should wait it out, let the girls finish out the school year here and see if the court ordered counseling actually does some good. i am a firm believer that any two people can make a marriage work IF they are both working on it. things were particularly nasty this weekend and i was on the hunt for a job and a house and i was gonna get out as soon as i could, then after two days of hell, he came to me and told me he had made an appointment with our bishop. that crucial first step, but i had felt good about making the decision to leave and to do it as quickly as i am able. i submitted a bunch of resumes, even got a call for an interview, but i woke up this morning feeling like i shouldn't go to that interview, and that maybe i need to stick with that original plan. see, what i got out of that first article is that the Lord doesn't expect us to stay if it is unsafe, but we are required to forgive and we should be committed to our marriage (no matter how new it is) if the other person is putting forth effort too. the second article made me realize that i have a lot of work to do on my own, and how i speak to my children. it breaks my heart to think that i might be making them feel even a portion of what he is making me feel. letting my frustrations and hurt seep into my parenting is absolutely inexcusable. so, i guess this is a lot of rambling just to say as long as he's willing to go through the counseling i need to be willing to do it with him. i didn't get married just so i could divorced 5 months later, i really feel like this could be really good if he can get control of his anger. i guess since i have no where else to go right now anyway, this is the best option. here's to hoping...

heartache

i recognize that trials are a part of life. i feel like i've definitely had my fair share (and then some) but who doesn't. i am particularly struggling as of late, i've tried to come up with solutions to my problem and nothing i come up with seems to be right. i've relied on the Lord and still haven't gotten an answer. i don't know if i'm being impatient (which is probably true) or if i just suck at receiving answers to prayers... as i'm writing this i realize that i could do more to fully immerse myself in the things the Lord would have me do, and maybe that's why i haven't received an answer yet, or maybe it's just too soon to mkae a move, i'm not sure but whatever it is, it's making me feel very unsettled and i don't like feeling that way. what do you do when you're struggling?

heartache

the news was on while i was making dinner tonight. the story about the missing 5 year old girl from glendale came on. my sweet 5 year old, ellie watched the entire story right up to the end asking anyone with info to call silent witness. she came into me and asked "mama do you know where that little girl is?" i of course had to tell her noe. she then said "i wish we knew where she was, i just want to get her home safe."

happiness

This looks absolutely amazing! when we moved to casa grande i let myself get lazy. before we moved i was running a 5k or very close to it on my lunch break nearly every day. the last time i ran anything close to that was almost 6 months ago. running became very therapeutic for me, relaxing, and gave me a sense of accomplishment. i decided that this will be my first official back to running race... find something that you love and do it!

happiness

i am grateful that i can find joy in little things! the last few times i made cookies they kept turning out flat and not fluffy like i am used to. i finally realized it was the butter (margarine) i had used. well when we were at the grocery store the other day i found these:

they made all the difference in the world. my cookies turned out nearly perfect. see:

yay for finding joy in simple things!



heartaches to happiness

sometime last year i was going through a rough time, struggling with something. i don't remember what it was but a dear friend, a true example of Christianity, surprised me with a beautiful card. i saved it and found it the other day. the words brought tears to me eyes:
If i could sum up
what's on my heart for you
during this crazy time,
it would be one word-
hope.

what you're going through
is really hard and
out of your control-
out of anyone's control-
that is... anyone but God.

He is the author of HOPE,
the giver of HOPE,
and will bring you
the power of HOPE
to help you hang on
and keep believing
that He can change things
for the good.


I want you to know
i'm hanging on to HIS HOPE
and will be here praying for you-
as long as it takes

by His mighty power at work within us,
He is able to accomplish infinitely more
than we would dare to ask or hope.
Ephesians 3:20 NLT


i read just the other day that "the problem isn't the problem, the way you react tp the problem is often the problem"

it was such a simple yet profound statement, i wanted to argue with it but every example i could come up with could be explained away. no matter what we're going through, no matter what heartache we're dealing with, we can turn it into happiness with HOPE! think about it! nothing we experience hasn't been experienced before and nothing we experience can't be overcome with the the help of the Lord. this is such a beautiful realization to me!!! 

happiness

hopefully all of november will bring "happiness" posts. i try really hard to focus on the positives, all my many blessings. of course some days negativity gets the best of me but especially this month i'm going to try to focus on all the things i'm grateful for. i know that a gratitude journal has been done many, many times and i hope some of you will follow suit and write your own!

last night was such a fun night! we kept it simple and went to our ward chili cook-off/ trunk-or-treat then went to rob's parents' neighborhood and did a little trick-or-treating. watching the girls have fun getting candy and getting compliments on their costumes was such a sweet reminder of how grateful i am to be a mom. i love all 4 of my beautiful daughters!